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About your voicemail, and other annoying things you do with your phone.
By Chris Prickett A few months ago I rolled out my super tall soapbox and publicly berated readers, business associates, friends and family about the various faux pas floating around in email land. Judging from the huge reduction in FW:FW:FW’s (along with Christmas cards and friendly smiles), and a nice uptick in hate mail, I think I made an impression. With the wind of sweet success at my back, I think it’s time to weave that same homespun wisdom throughout phone land. No need to thank me… Let’s start with the recorded message. While I used to find the generic (and badly synthesized) “please leave a message” a bit lacking in substance and imagination, I now long for the brevity of that simple line. Here are some things I would love to never hear again: Cell Phones and DWD
(Driving While Distracted)
| | An Arizona Senate committee is working to ban texting while driving in Arizona. The proposed fine in Arizona would be $50 if caught, and $200 if involved in an accident. | | • While 19 states have laws banning texting, the city of Phoenix was one of the first to institute a ban in 2007. | • Driving while using a cell phone reduces the amount of brain activity associated with driving by 37 percent.
| • Research shows driving while on the phone decreases
reaction time to the equivalent of someone with a 0.08 percent blood alcohol concentration. | • A survey revealed 80 percent of respondents support a ban on texting while driving, while 25 percent admitted to having done it. About 40 percent said their usage habits would change if laws were enacted. | | • Eighty percent of crashes and 65 percent of near-crashes involve some type of distraction. | • The worst offenders are men and women under 20 years of age. |
1. “Your call is very important to me”
No, it’s not. If it really were, then why do I have to leave four to six messages before you return my call that’s important to you? 2. “…And, Make it a Great Day!”
It would be a great day if you answered the phone once in a while. 3. “Hi, This is______and Today is______”
I know who you are, and most of the time I know what day it is. In fact, the date is digitally displayed on the phone in my hand, as is the current time, so I’m already smarter than your recorded message. Half the time you forget to change the day, so while this is intended to let me know how on the ball you are, it makes you look double dumb. 4. Anything More Than 30 Words
I have a growing tumor on the side of my head from listening to three-minute messages. Then after it’s over, there’s the painfully slow auto-message the phone company tacks on for the 27 people in the world who haven’t yet mastered the art of voicemail (the phone companies’ way of forcing you to rack up the minutes). And, don’t think you can get around the 30-word rule by speaking really fast. I don’t speed-hear. 5. “…Or You Can Reach Me at 623-555-67....”
Now I have to leave messages on two phones. After listening to your 70-word, self-serving soliloquy a second time, it’s going to be very hard for me to make it a great day. I’d also like to propose a cell phone law: The Dropped Call Rule. The person who made the call is always the person who calls back, no exceptions. This eliminates the vicious cycle of the dreaded Double-Call-to-Voicemail phenomenon. Other Annoying Things About Your Phone
While I’m on the subject, how about switching to a cell phone carrier that actually has reception in your calling area? Having the greatest apps in the world is nice but without reception, your just packing a handheld video game. Driving While Distracted
There is mounting evidence that talking or texting while driving will kill you. If you’re okay with that, keep in mind the evidence also shows that you could kill other people. Killing yourself and others is bad, so stop, okay? Amazing that even needs to be said. Talking Really Loud
If you talk really loud in public places, you are really annoying. If you talk really loud in public places, while on a cell phone, you are annoying people in two different places which is doubly rude.
If you feel that you’re such a big shot that your right to be rude and obnoxious trumps my right to not hear your conversation, you’re wrong. There is mounting evidence that you’re not that much of a bigshot. Can you hear me now? io Chris Prickett is a real estate agent, general contractor and former home inspector. Contact the writer at
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. - Sources for table: Carnegie Mellon, Nationwide Insurance, University of Utah, distraction.gov, NHTSA.
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